“Love always wins (John). Always.” ~ Cheri Christiansen
Due to the global pandemic, most of us find ourselves isolated in places with those we say we love. Some, maybe many, may complain about this, but it could be a whole lot worse, like not being here at all.
Nearly five years ago, I found myself at the other end of a call to a crisis center hotline seeking help. It was the darkest time of my life. A few years earlier, an alcohol-fueled car accident had dramatically changed the trajectory of my life with a traumatic brain injury. It forced the sale of my successful business and created in me unstable angry and resentful behaviors. Eventually, I found myself in divorce proceedings and began sliding into a serious downhill spiral.
Without going into stark detail, I will admit I was not a saint in my marriage, but who really is? I had made plenty of mistakes and poor choices in my relationship with my wife, but who does not make mistakes or poor choices, at times, in their lives? We always seemed to find a way through them. Things had finally reached a critical mass for us. The accident, sale of our business, and possibility of divorce led me to a point of desperation and suicidal thoughts.
I thank God every day for making that life-changing phone call. I found the support network I needed and perhaps even better, I learned about the concept and power of love, how it transforms lives for the best. Love is the elixir that heals all brokenness, it brings hope to the hopeless. It can mend a shattered relationship and create personal growth opportunities in any marriage. Love is the foundation of most spiritual practices and religious beliefs. It is the glue that holds together solid interpersonal relationships, especially marriages.
My first genuine introduction to the concept of love was found in the book, “Radical Forgiveness.” A client had recommended it and it came with some personal encouragement, “Love always wins John. Always.” She was 100% right. Love won. I managed to save my marriage. It took both of us to do it.
As we move forward (and, while in isolation), we continue to strengthen our marriage. Anyone who tells you that strengthening such an intimate relationship is easy, is not giving you the bigger picture or telling you the whole truth. Such alliances take commitment, diligence, forgiveness, humility, patience, perseverance, and a whole lotta love to make them work. If both parties practice love in the marriage, they have a great opportunity and an awesome chance to find success in it.
I believe now, more than ever, we could use the power of love…
Countless <self-help> books exist on love, marriage, and relationships. Here are some worth reading:
- “Radical Forgiveness: A Revolutionary Five-Stage Process to-Heal Relationships-Let Go of Anger and Blame-Find Peace in Any Situation” (2010) by Colin Tipping
- “The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God” (2013) by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller
- “The Art of Loving” (1956) by Erich Fromm
- “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” (2015) by Gary Chapman
- “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” (2010) by Rachel Heller & Amie Levine
- “On Love” (2006) by Alain de Botton
- “No One Belongs Here More Than You” (2005) by Miranda July
- “Tonight, I’m Someone Else” (2018) by Chelsea Hodson
- “If the Buddha Dated” (1999) by Charlotte Kasl
- “How to Love” (2014) by Thich Nhat Han
- “Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples” (1988) by Harville Hendrix, PhD & Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD
- “All About Love” (2018) by Bell Hooks
Thank you for your continued support.