When it comes to human selection, trauma takes no prisoners.
Trauma can occur to any one of us and at any time during our lives. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, a severe illness, corporate downsizing, or the loss of a career, a divorce, financial ruin, sexual assault or abuse, physical violence, personal disfigurement as a result of an accident, combat experiences, or a host of other catastrophic events can cause emotional difficulty.
Of course, we have no choice what traumatic life event might confront us, as was my case. And, if I could have chosen something different than a childhood sexual assault, then I would have. Trust me — I would have.
I understand why sexual trauma is not pleasant to discuss. Even at a young age, I knew (and felt) the social stigma of being a victim of such an event. I certainly had no intention of carrying the label “The Boy Who Was Raped” into my post-trauma life. And I didn’t. I kept it just under the surface of my psyche, looking for its meaning, for over forty years.
No matter how hard I tried to stuff it, its memory would surface with bouts of anger, depression, low self-esteem, and resentment.
After my car accident, things spun out of control due to a traumatic brain injury. I was embroiled in the middle of a divorce and on the verge of losing everything. I reached out to a crisis center and got the help I needed. Now, as I move forward on a healing journey for authenticity, I’ve come to realize that remaining silent about it for so long was not the best way to deal with it.
Contrary to popular culture, there are times when silence is not golden. In fact, by remaining silent and not confronting the issue with awareness and education, society inadvertently perpetuates the problem, allowing it to continue. Many experts on the subject believe that without an open and honest dialogue, perpetrators and victims will continue the detrimental behaviors that negatively affect the whole society and individual lives.
Lessons Learned
Personally, the silver lining in all of this was the lessons I learned due to it. My healing continues. Fortunately, I’ve been able to apply these lessons to both the personal and business parts of my life.
1) Prayer works.
2) Some people cannot be trusted, even relatives and friends.
3) Resiliency is a byproduct of pain and suffering.
4) Courage is essential when facing challenges.
5) Self-Forgiveness is an excellent place to start.
6) Consistency creates benefits.
7) Self-Love heals.
8) Never underestimate the power of love.
9) Silence is not always golden.
10) Support networks can be instruments for success.
11) Honesty is the keystone for everything in life, personal and with others.
12) Some people can be trusted, especially those willing to help.
13) Labels are counter-productive.
14) Social stigmas stifle the human spirit.
15) It’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
16) Events do not define a person; their character does.
17) Blame exacerbates problems.
18) There are always lessons to be learned.
19) Some days are better than others.
20) It’s okay to make mistakes. Just learn from them.
21) We have choices.
22) Life is worth living.
23) Keep going, never quit, don’t stop.